I read a book a long time ago called Positive Personality Profiles. It's basically like other personality determining books on the market. One thing I learned about myself was the fact that I am motivated with people oriented situations vs. task oriented. I've been thinking about this because I have been trying my little brothers' advice about charting you time in 6 min increments. Even though, as a mom, obviously we have many tasks, I am happier and feel like I am accomplishing more when I am helping people rather than doing the dishes.
So, where's the balance? I feel like I am being a better mom by reading to my kids and helping them do stuff but the laundry tends to pile up when I focus too much on play time. I had a friend who was the opposite, she gained a lot of satisfaction when her kids went to school with ironed jeans. There are definite benefits to both types of people and I don't think one is more important than the other, maybe it's just about finding a balance between the two. Or maybe it's about focusing on your strengths and developing your talents. I don't know.
The reason I am giving this scary in site into me is maybe other moms feel like me. Feeling bad about yourself for letting "tasks" go or feeling guilty for neglecting relationships with kids and friends. From my 6 min. experiment, I realized that I spend the bulk of my time on people, and in doing that, tasks fall through the cracks. But I realized that I do important things, I just can't prove it.........
6 comments:
I think we are a lot alike. (except you are more spiritual...or at least way better at expressing it) I need to hear more about this 6 min you speak of. I am starting to realize that I am NEVER going to be perfect at keeping house...in fact I am getting worse. I need to focus on what I am good at and realize I can still be a good wife/mom even if my house isn't spotless and my kids aren't wearing ironed..(or sometimes even clean) clothes to school.:-)
It is so hard to be a mommy, isn't it? I find the best way for me to handle this is a balance. I like to involve my little people in the chores as much as possible. It may take me a little longer to get things done, but they get to learn how to unload dishwashers, vacuum, put their own clothes away, etc. I try to help them understand that if we all work together to get the jobs done, then we can have more time to play together. It doesn't always work, but we try. :)
I'm right along with you girl! Today I asked my mom how she keeps her house so clean and her response was "My kids left." (I guess we just took our messes elsewhere. :))
One of my moms regrets, though, is feeling like the house had to be so immaculate when we were growing up that she feels like she really missed out on a lot of fun with us.
Messes bother me, but sometimes it doesn't stop us from making them bigger! I've always felt like I want to make sure I have great memories with my kids while they're small. So we do lots of cookies with flour everywhere and have even been known to have a water-fight IN the house before! It's the people that matter in our lives, not the things. We'll take our relationships with us...
That was kinda how I was looking at it. If you count "billable time" you will easily be able to tell if you are too idle. If you're not idle, you're on the right track.
There is a big difference between time mismanaged and time wasted.
If you are only mismanaged, make minor shifts where needed. Nobody can ever change everything all at once --that is why diets don't work.
My suggestion: Pick one task (e.g. dishes). Pick a specific time to do it. I'd do it at that time right after the kids were gone to school and you finally got Jason eating breakfast (or taking 20 minutes to watch mickey mouse clubhouse). Knock it out early. It'll make the whole day better...and you'll even be more motivated for your other tasks. Plus if you do it every day, it will be easier. It will also be more rewarding because nobody is there to mess it up again for at least 7 hours.
Plus, I hate doing the dishes just so I can then make a meal and mess it all up again.
Get this down for a week or two, and then do another at one other logical gap in time.
Disclaimer: I am not a stay at home mom, I have only ever played one for sporadic weeks at a time. But when I have, I have always really liked doing it...and this stuff has always worked.
You are a GREAT mom Linda, that is one thing that I have always admired about you. Ask yourself, are your kids safe, happy, healthy and taken care of? YES! Than you are doing your job! Love you!!!!
p.s.- Aren't your kids old enough to be out to work? That's what I do! Ha! Ha!
Hey!
President Monson talked about this in one of his last conference talks...finding joy in the journey.
I try to remember that if I'm grouchy and not having any fun, it's not worth the clean house (if I ever actually had a clean house!).
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